if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
