Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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