last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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