Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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