i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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