We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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