:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
