just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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