he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
