WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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