How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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