i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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