There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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