My first STD was from a foam party
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
