Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
