Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
