so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
