Got a toothbrush?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
