sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
