Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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