im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
