New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
