I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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