i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
