I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
