I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
