we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
