So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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