just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
