looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
