He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
