Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
