Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
