Where did you get a picture of my penis
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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