i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
