well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
