I heard we made out
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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