Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
