I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
