Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize