I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
