My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
