fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
