listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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