i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
