my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
