??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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