Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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