Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
