dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's just like the Real World with babies
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
