what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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