I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's the barista slut.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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