apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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