Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Acid is not a monday night drug
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
