i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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