you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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