I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
