My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
