you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
