I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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