I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
