I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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