bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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