i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My breasts were aching with rage.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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