On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
