I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize