the new term for farting is butt boxing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
