how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
