I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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